Sabbath

"Self-care is never a selfish act- it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others."
~ Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak, pg. 49-50.

Well I did take some time off- these past two days. It was lovely because I didn't do much. I am always surprised at how tired I feel on those days- when I let my body catch up with herself and not force her to run at a crazy pace.

One thing I did was spend a lot of time with my dog, Jonah, pictured above. I walked him, played with him, snuggled him, and just looked at him (i think he is very cute and nice to look at!). If you didn't know this about me before, I really love my dog! Up until I started at Grace I got to spend a lot of time with him each day, and I've really missed that. It was so great to be with him. He is a place where I get renewed. When I come home, he is usually curled up in his bed or on the couch, and I go over to him and lay/kneel down beside him. I immediately feel so much better just being with him. He is a reminder to me of God's love and presence in my life. Sometimes he will jump up on the couch and lay right on top of my laptop as if to say "HEY! Put that thing away and give me some love!" Sometimes he'll bark at me until I get up and play with him, feed him, or just come down to his level. Sometimes I need to be barked at to remember to pay attention to Jonah or to God.

Another thing I did was go for a long walk with Brian over to Lime Kiln Park. We stood by the raging river and watched it go by, getting dizzy concentrating on the rushing water. We noticed all kinds of things around the banks- different trees, the way the water flowed and swirled in places. It felt so good to just lose myself in it. Nature is so refreshing and a great reminder for me of who God is and who I am in this world. There is much to learn and much to appreciate just by being still in nature. For our Grafton Clergy book study this year we are reading Leaving Church, by Barbara Brown Taylor (one of my favorite authors). I read this yesterday and it was exactly how I felt standing at the rivers edge:

"How long do you think this river has been here?" I asked Ed..."Forever, I guess," he said at last. If I softened my gaze and stopped holding myself apart from all that surrounded me I became part of something so old and so powerfully alive that I lost track of my self. The river ran through me. Trees breathed for me. My feet grew from rock. (85)

She also writes, "I know plenty of people who find God most reliably in books, in buidlings, and even in other people. I have found God in all of these places too, but the most reliable meeting place for me has always been creation. Since I first became aware of the Divine Presence in that lit-up field in Kansas, I have always known where to go when my own flame is guttering. To lie with my back flat on the fragrant ground is to receive a transfusion of the same power that makes the green blade rise." (80)

I guess our sabbath times and places can be closer than we think.

Monday, Monday

Here it is...Monday! Most pastors take Mondays as their days off. Not me- I take Friday. This is partly because I like to have more time to work on my sermon before Thursday evening worship, and partly because I like having Fridays off! It means that sometimes I kind of get a weekend.

However, it means that I work Monday. And I'm beginning to understand why many pastors take Monday off. I'm tired after Sunday, especially after a Sunday like yesterday where I started working at 7 am and didn't finish until 8 pm. No joke. Pastors have strange schedules.

But I do think that we aren't any different than anyone else in that there just never seems to be enough time in the day or week. Can I get an Amen? (I was at All People's in Milwaukee yesterday! I love this- I might start using it in my sermons so look out!!!)

There are so many things vying for our attention, scattering us into many directions, asking that we be in 3 places at once. It's hard to find breathing space. It's hard to focus on what gives us life.

How do you find your breathing space? Do you find it?

monday five...moving on

1. How many times have you moved?
Oh my goodness...too many to count. When my parents were here last weekend we were looking through one of my baby photo albums...ONE album took me through 4 different houses. Eee gad. Then there was college and seminary....college: 10 moves. Seminary: 4. I also moved in with the family I nannied for. I also moved to Grafton. I hope and pray that I am DONE with moving for a good, long while.

2. What do you love and hate about moving?
I love meeting new people. I hate how long it takes to get settled...to get my things in the best place. I hate feeling like a foreigner. I hate not knowing how to get places and what the shortcuts are. I hate leaving friends behind.

3. Do you do it yourself or hire movers?
Ha, funny you should ask. I have always been a do-it-myself-with-the-help-of-family-and-friends kind of person. However, my dad is getting up there and, well, you've seen how many times I've moved! So when I was moving up to Grafton, I decided to hire movers. I felt so lucky and was sooo excited. Unfortunately, they didn't show up, causing me to say many words that I can't put in this blog. But I am blessed with some great friends and a great brother and sister-in-law who came to my rescue, helping me rent and load a U-Haul. My parents drove down from Northern Wisconsin to Chicago to help drive up here. And then lots of lovely people from Grace came to help me unload. Blessings out of a situation that at first seemed very un-blessing like!

4. Advice for surviving and thriving during a move?
Don't use "Reliance Relocation" movers.

5. Are you in the middle of any inner moves, if not outer ones?
I always feel like I'm in the middle of an inner move. Life is always changing and we are always coming from one place, heading towards another. I am always learning and growing and thinking about what the future may bring, and what I can do today to best prepare myself for it. This is not always a good thing. I need to remind myself from time to time to relax and just be. To trust God and not to think so much about everything.

Anniversaries...

Since I moved here, I have been thinking a lot about what my life was like a year ago. When I started at Grace in mid-July 2007, a year before that I was wrapping up my internship in campus ministry in Saint Louis, a job and place I dearly loved. Then it was back to seminary in August 2006, beginning what I like to call the year of Advent...waiting...to graduate and begin ministry as a Pastor.

As we entered the church season of Advent this past December, I was thinking about how in December 2006 I had just completed many long and detailed forms describing who I was as a person and as a pastor. Those were the forms that would be sent to prospective congregations (which turned out to be Grace!). When I finished them I had no idea who would be reading them and where they would be reading them.

While we were in the midst of Lent this February and March, I passed the year anniversary of being assigned to ministry in the areas of either Illinois, Iowa, or Wisconsin. Then I found out I was assigned to the Greater Milwaukee Synod, and the weight of uncertainty I'd been carrying all year began to lift.

Then on April 6, 2007 (a year ago this past Sunday), I made my first trip up to Grafton. I met Pastor Paul, Karen, and Sue. I got a tour of Grace and Grafton/Cedarburg. And to think- exactly one year after that I was standing in the pulpit and preaching.

All this is to say that we never know where God is taking us. We can't predict the future, no matter how hard we try. We don't know what is going to happen. But looking back on my life always helps calm my questions and anxieties about what's coming. God has brought me along this far- what would make me think that God would abandon me now? Even though God is with us all the time, somehow it's easier to see God looking back than in the moment or looking forward.

As I was writing this, this song came on my iPod which I thought was appropriate:
"You should know wherever you go, if your head's in the clouds or you're stuck on the ground, you have my committment, whatever I can do, there will always be room in my heart for you. You should know wherever you go, I'll be waiting here...You should know wherever you go, anytime of the day and reason at all, you have my word, whatever I can do. There will always be room in my heart. You should know, wherever you go...there will always be room in my heart for you. "
~"Room in My Heart", Storyhill.


Where were you a year ago? How was God working in your life?